Charlotte

It annoys me, to say the least, when my faith is disrespected, when my God is    shut down.

Don’t people understand all He’s done for them? Then again, I suppose        I’m to blame too.

            slandering,

                        dishonoring,

                                    tarnishing,                                                                              but who isn’t?

We’ll never be perfect, no matter how hard we try; believe me, I do try.

I try to stay true to God’s Word, try to keep in contact through prayer,

try to demonstrate to others how we’re to live our lives in the light.

Some people are simply attracted to the darkness, I guess. Although I never really understood

why. Yes, the way of Satan – of the flesh – is to be

                                    temping,

                        earthly satisfying,

            hard to turn away,

but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.. and when we see all that we gain when

rejecting Satan’s ways, you’d think it’d be enough for people to realize.

However, there will always be those whose purpose is to prove you wrong.

It is not my intentions to justify all my wrongdoings. Nevertheless, I believe it to be a   habit.

Although a habit it is, it is nothing less of a bad habit.

When I, personally, walk in the ways of the darkness, I correct myself as soon as possible.

I apologize to my Savior – hit my knees in repentance.

And, because I know how forgiving He is, I continue to make the same mistakes.

Hypocrite – that’s me.

It annoys me, to say the least, when people are hypocritical.

            Oh, the irony.

People don’t see it – that’s what bothers me. They see right through

my mistakes. Instead, call me selfless, beautiful, strong in my faith.

They tell me they envy me, and while I should be rolling in high self-esteem

due to all the compliments, I’m wallowing in sorrow due to my own                        convictions.

For most of my life, I sucked up the compliments like a sponge, thrived on

those who admired me. There came a point, still, that I couldn’t take it anymore.

I didn’t want the

            Praise,

I couldn’t handle the

                        Flattery,

No more acceptance of the

                                    Admiration.

Quickly, my life took a turn for the worst, headed downhill, but only on the inside.

From the surface, you could never tell. My religious front, my got-it-all-together

attitude became a curse rather than a blessing – a murderer rather than a savior.

The perception others had of me was absolutely crippling.

Or was it the perception I had of myself?

If I can’t answer this question, who can?

I am ashamed of the phony I’ve become –

the fraud.