Sunday, October 21, 2012

Charlotte



I don’t think I’m gay -                        pretty sure                  I’m not                        a lesbian.
I think the only reason I sleep with girls is because I’m                  addicted to sex.         
            It doesn’t matter who it is.
                        I just want it.
            I’ve never really been into relationships.
                        My daddy says that’s a good thing.                          He doesn’t want me dating.
                                                                                    My youth pastor agrees.
The youth pastor says that dating leads to
            sex, which leads to sin.
                                                            Daddy’s reasons aren’t quite as righteous.
But Daddy is a different story.
                        I’m doing a project on abstinence for the youth party this weekend.
            Presenting on why it’s not lame to be a virgin like most kids say it is at school.
                                    Presenting on how valuable your innocence is.
I feel like I’m                                                                                                                           lying.
                        I have not had a negative outcome from sex yet.
            I want to present on how it helps – all it’s different functions.
You can use it to express your love for someone,
to release endorphins,
to have fun,
to be in control,
to give up all control,
to feel loved,
to conceive a beautiful child,
to escape.
When it comes right down to it,
I honestly believe that sex is
better than
drugs,
alcohol,
cutting.
The hardest part is keeping
up my reputation as a good Christian
girl with my newly found hobby.
I mean,                        it sort of                      takes two                                to tango,         right?
Then again,
I don’t really care about my rep.
Maybe it’s a good thing to get rid of.
But, I do love God.
I do love Jesus.
I want the Holy Spirit guiding and directing me.
I           just want        
    to be           normal            ,
and I                despise Him                for not             letting me.

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